letting it out

so tomorrow they are finally going to tell Marie what has happen to my dad. I wonder what she is going to do? I want to drive down to Carson city so bad. I don't know if I would even be able to talk to her. I wonder if she is going to let us bring my dad back home. I have so many things going through my mind I am not sure what I should do. I know I should wait and see what happens. In a way I kind of feel bad for her. she is fighting to stay alive and has no clue that thanks to her parents that my dad has ended his. How fucking cruel can people be. It took the mortuary to call the hospital and push for a decision before they finally said that she needs to be told. Doesn't she wonder where my dad is? what did they tell her for him being gone? she has to think that something is up.He is her husband I'm sure she has wondered why he hasn't even called. Is she ever going to know all the shit her parents did? Is she even going to care?

I'm sure she does care in her own way its not like she made my dad stay with her it was his choice but damn enough is enough. how can they live with themselves after the pain they caused my dad and Marie and all of us. I honest to god think that they don't even see what they have done to everyone. I pray that I never come face to face with her dad. i may say things that are not so nice and may end up getting myself in to a lot of trouble. Lord give me the courage and the strength to move on pass what I think are the errors of their ways and give me the courage to show that I can be the bigger person in all of this.

I love you dad and we are doing everything we can to bring you home. hang in there dad we will get you to where you belong.

I just wish I knew what was in that letter you wrote to us. I want to know what you had to say and tell you dad I'm not angry at you. I don't hate you and I know that you loved me and I loved you too. I want to know that dad. you are my dad my one and only and that not one person can ever take from me. Please know dad that I loved you no matter what. I was hurt but I was never angry and surly never ever hated you. I thought you were the most handsome and wonderful man I have ever had the pleasure to have in my life and I think that is why i was so hurt I wanted so bad to be daddy's little girl and I wasn't. I see it now that we are so much alike that we could not figure out how to change the hurt into new times and new memories. But Dad I love you and its OK. In my heart you are always the first man I ever loved you were my dad and you always will be. Thank you dad for you I am going to cherish every good memory we shared and forget all the hurt feelings I had cause I know now dad it really was that we were two of the same and that's what the real issue is.