my dad

here is my therapy. I am got to get it all out so maybe I can get my mind straight. I have gotten the worst news that anyone on this earth I think could get. My brother called me at 11:00 Friday night to tell me what happen with my dad. you know if anyone is calling you that late at night it's not going to be good news. I knew that my dad had been depressed and has had a lot going on with not being able to find a job and his bitch wife and family always putting him down. He cried to everyone for help but for some reason he never took the help. Thinking that everything was his fault my dad took his own life. I can't believe it i cant imagine the pain he must have been in.I am so mad and hurt angry and every other feeling i could possibly feel all in one. I just don't want to deal with anything I just want to hide out in my house and not deal with the outside world.

I hate Marie and her family and I wish for nothing but bad things for them. My dad killed himself and that dumb bitches dad is still talking shit to my family about everything my dad didn't do. How dare him who gives him the right to even say anything about my dad. this is their fault my dad would still be here today if they did drag him through the dirt every time they had the opportunity too. My dad is gone and it's their fault lord please give me the strength to keep my mouth shut if I ever come face to face with these people. I don't know that I could control my mouth or my anger at this point.

I can't even get my feelings and thoughts in the same order right now I feel lost I have a million different things going through my mind all at once and I cant get them in order or know what to feel. I have that numb feeling and I don't like it. I don't like the way I feel

How could my dad do this? how could he tell my aunt he would never hurt himself like that and then do just that? Why didn't he just walk away from them all including Marie we were all more than willing to help him and he didn't take the help. How could she have so much power over him that the rest of the peoples feelings not even matter enough to call one of us. one phone call to any family member and someone would have been there to get him in a heartbeat. I love you dad and I pray god has Mercy on your soul and you are able to rest in peace. I wish dad you would have picked up that phone just one last time and let us help you. we love you she didn't they sure in the hell didn't. you are our dad,grandfather, brother, son,friend too them you were just their stepping stone someone to blame for all the issues they had.We need you here we love pure unconditional love with no boundaries we love you for you and that's it. not for what you could have done for us or give us because you are who you are and for no other reason than that.
I love you daddy and I wish I could go back in time and get you and bring you home. things were not suppose to end this way. your journey in life was not suppose to end yet. we could love you until you could love yourself and beyond that. we will always love you for nothing else but for you being you. no expectations no strings attached. I hope you know this dad .I hope you can see that how much love we all have for you. I pray for your peace. I pray that when my day comes that you are there waiting for me with open arms that you have found peace withing your soul and that you know dad that we all love you for you and nothing more that that cause you are you. and that's allot to us cause you are our dad. I love you dad with all my heart. I hope where ever you are that you can see that. that you can read this and know that even through the hard time and the bad times that I never stopped loving you and I never will you were one of the most important men in my life and you will always continue to be. I am very proud to call you my dad i think you are an amazing and handsome man and I was proud you are my dad. I love you dad I always have and I always will.